http://www.autismhangout.com Autism Hangout - Stories about life with autism Forum Feed en-us Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:41:00 CST Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:41:00 CST cevans@autismhangout.com cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=498 Hi Everyone. My name is Kathy Hoopmann and I am the author of ‘All Cats have Asperger Syndrome’ and the Asperger Adventure series. (www.kathyhoopmann.com) I am currently writing a book along the line of ‘All Cats’ where I am endeavouring to give an insight to how Aspies think, highlighting strengths while acknowledging weaknesses. I want to air pet grievances about how those with Aspergers are treated and to present how hard they try to fit in to the 'normal' world. If anyone has the time. I’d really appreciate feedback from Aspergians on the following questions: 1) What would you like others to know about your strengths and weaknesses? 2) In what way are sensory issues a problem/strength for you? 3) Do you feel alienated from others? If so, in what way and what could make things better for you? 4) Is there anything about having Asperger’s that you would like the world to know? Please don’t feel limited to these questions. Just general comments about your feelings of having Asperger’s and your understanding of the social world would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Kathy Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:41:27 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=432 Don't let your life be ruled by fear and anxiety Published on February 8, 2011 My friend and fellow autistic author Temple Grandin said something at last week's autism conference that really got me thinking. She said, The principal emotion experienced by autistic people is fear. Temple went on to explain that fear is the foundation of many other feelings are built upon for autistic people . . . anxiety, rage, even depression. If my life is a guide, she's right. In this essay, I'd like to ponder why that may be . . . Last December, in The Meaning of a Smile, I wrote about my vulnerability to insincere people. Like many people with autism, I have difficulty discerning who is sincere and who's not. I can look at another person, and recognize their expressions, but I do not "share their feelings" the way nypicals (people without autism) do. Many scientists believe that problem is caused by a weakness in autistic people's mirror neurons. Whatever the cause, it's a profound element of disability that rears its head when you least expect it. Related Links Love and Understanding: Can You Have One Without the Other? Communication and Emotional Expression (Part 4): The Bridging Point It's Just Two Little Words: Why Can't I Say Them? Fear vs. Anxiety Smiling at Fear: Pema Chodron Configure this block Find a Therapist Search for a mental health professional near you. Find Local: Acupuncturists Chiropractors Massage Therapists Dentists and more! In my earlier story I wrote of the inability to distinguish the real from the fake when it comes to expressions. That makes it sound like I'd be an easy mark for emotional predators, and maybe I am. However, the larger problem is that my inability to "feel" another person when I look at them leads me to draw incorrect conclusions about their desires or intentions, to my occasional great detriment. The people I misjudge are not usually bad people, trying to do me harm. They're just people, going about their lives, and I get into trouble when I misread them during my dealings with them. I project my own hopes or desires, even when they are totally at odds with what the other person is really thinking. I want something, I look at another person, and tell myself, They must want this too, even though their face is saying, No way! Sometimes the result is funny. Other times it's embarrassing, or hurtful, either to me or to them. Occasionally, it's harmful. Autistic people often talk of being bullied and taken advantage of. I believe that emotional blindness is one of the main reasons that happens. In many cases, we bring the hurt upon ourselves through misinterpretation followed by misstep. So where does that leave me? Like many others with autism, it leaves me fearful and anxious whenever I must deal with new people, or strange situations. I know this anxiety is shared by countless others on the spectrum. I hide it well, but the fear and anxiety is always with me. Yet fear does not rule me. I am reasonably successful, on a number of fronts. How do I do it? I have thought hard about that, in hopes these tips will help others escape the weight of fear and anxiety. First of all, I pay very close attention to the actions of other people. My weakness is in picking up nonverbal signals, whereas my hearing is totally unimpaired. Consequently, I have a natural predisposition to favor a person's words over their actions. However, the saying actions speak louder than words still holds true, and I have trained myself to pay close attention to the actions and compare the observation to the words. Any discrepancy between them, or between the actions and my goals or desires, is cause for concern. Second, I have taught myself to ask the other person what they feel, and what they want, as often as possible. That won't protect me from intentional deception, but as I noted, most of my problems are the result of innocent misunderstanding, not intentional deceit. By asking others what they want or feel, and also stating my own desires, I increase the chance that others will pick up on any misalignment between us and put it on the table for discussion. Third, I have learned the wisdom of living in the moment, and relaxation through meditation. I can't do these things very well, but I observe others who do, and I see the benefit to that ability. Fourth, I have learned to reflect before acting, and to engage in cardio exercise while reflecting. It seems like vigorous exercise slows or stops the internal dialogue in my mind, and allows me to approach emotional decisions with a clear and fresh mind. That, and the wisdom of time taken pondering, yields better decisions. It's also likely that the increased heart rate and the associated increased flow of oxygenated blood to the brain, improves my mental acuity. Finally, when all else fails, there is always anti-anxiety medication, or even antidepressants. I prefer to be drug free, but there are times when that fails, and I know there are people who would not be functional without the assistance of medications. I present these thoughts as beneficial to autistic people, but for all I know, anyone might benefit from these same processes. After all, anyone who is not telepathic must be blind to the signals of others to some degree. Dare to be REMARKABLE Inkspot Wed, 9 Feb 2011 08:09:48 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=343 If you are the parents of a wonderful Aspie...your know there are just those moments that bring you back to reality. Thursday my son had finished his piano recital and the teacher had called all students up on the stage (don't you just hold your breath or start to perspire when that happens)? She proceeded to hand out music books she wanted them to use during the summer break. Because there are some families that have two or more children in the program, she said she was giving the book to the oldest one in the family. When she got to our son, he waved his hands no and refused to take it saying I'm not the oldest, my brother Bran is! Now Bran lives in another state and is 27 years old. She, being the great teacher she is with him, was nonplused and just said, I'm giving it to the oldest one here tonight. He took it, no problem. We just looked at each other and said, the Aspergers just reared its head! You just got to love it! Sat, 29 May 2010 16:15:26 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=279 For several years now, Anna, who has Asperger Syndrome with extreme sensory hypersensitivity, has said she is not planning to get a job or go to college. She has just shut down any discussion of adult outcomes. Yesterday, though, she said, "When I say I don't want to have a job, mom, it's because I am afraid to try, not because I think I can't do stuff, just because I am afraid of what it will be like." Once in a while she can identify her own huge anxieties, which loom in our home like silent giants. When she does that, I have to give her a few days to sit with the words she said, and then use them as a jumping off point. Daring to dream realistically is an obstacle she must overcome. Progress! "Kids with autism need more chances." Lydia Schuck lassie Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:20:02 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=272 When do you tell people your 8 year old daughter has aspergers and what next? For me it’s easier to let strangers know on the internet rather than family and friends who all love her, but in telling my loved ones I have to explain what aspergers means, highlighting the negative as well as the positive and give them all comfort and reassurance in her diagnosis. This is not easy as I’m my daughter’s carer and am witness everyday to the full implications of her condition. However writing to you allows me some comfort and time to grieve before I put my ‘face’ back on and get on with supporting my child as best as I can so that she can have a happy and fulfilling life. My partner, daughter and I have just returned from her paediatrician who has confirmed asperger diagnosis. This is following 7 months of testing by various health and educational professionals and follows on from his original suspicions which he related to us in April 2009. My daughter also has dyslexia, poor self help skills and poor organisational abilities including problems with gross and fine motor co-ordination. She also has severe difficulties in falling asleep and is prescribed melatonin so that she (and I) can get a good night’s sleep. She is a fussy eater and will not eat more than one food on her plate and it has to be a certain colour. Clothes are to keep her warm and she will not suffer labels on any clothes because they 'scratch' her. Animals are her special love, particulary those that look cute and furry. I constantly hear how bright she is but this still does not exlain why she needs a signifiant amount of teacher support and has the reading and mathematical age of a 5 year old. Her strengths and weakness assessment has shown an unusual profile of cognitive abilities which I believe is quite common with ASD children. However, the gap between her educational performance and her classroom mates at school is ever increasing and the school acknowledges that she is performing below her abilities. Her school chums perceive her as ‘odd’ and we have this in writing in one of the assessment reports. I will do the best I can with the skills I have but this currently feels like a lonely course and would appreciate as much external intervention that there is available. regards mum of a wonderful daughter My Little Star Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:18:54 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=223 Our son was famous for getting out of his car seats when he was a toddler. On one of our frequent rides to Eau Claire to visit Grandma and Grandpa we started to notice that people in passing cars were laughing and looking at us. It took a few minutes to realize that our son had gotten loose and had stripped off his clothes and was dancing in the back window of our van. We made a pit stop! It is hard to imagine this when looking at our 6'1" seventeen year old. Mary and Bob Mary McSorley Proud Parent Tue, 9 Jun 2009 13:20:30 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=177 Written by: Rena (Linda) Mortenson........................ My love for animals has always been the most important focus of my world. Having Autism has always put me at a great disadvantage when it concerns my relationships with people and social interaction. But I have always excelled in the care of my dear animal friends. I think that the reason it has always been so easy for me to connect with animals is because of their unconditional love and the open way that they seem to be drawn to me in spite of my disability. I have spent much of my life caring for animals that would not have a chance in this world without me. I have rescued them from certain disaster and nursed the sick ones back to health and given them a chance at life when there was no one else who cared. I have taught the fearful ones to learn to trust again and have been the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. This is the story of a little dog we call "Sport!" My husband and I were driving back from Menomonie late one evening on the dark highway that leads us to our new country home in the middle of "nowhere" so to speak. We had moved to a new home twenty-five miles out of the only big town anywhere near us. We saw a dog in the middle of the dark highway running aimlessly from one side of the roadway to the other. My heart was racing. I was worried that the little guy would be run down by some big Semi or some other passing vehicle driving home from who knows where. The highways out in our neck of the woods are very, very dark and desolate. There are no street lights or anything for miles around and the few homes that are scattered about the hilly countryside are far and few between. My husband pulled our vehicle over to one side of the road at my request. I jumped out of the vehicle and started to follow the little dog down the side of the roadway. I tried to call to him but noticed that he was desperate to elude me. He was terrified. My husband put on his headlights to try to help me see my way. I continued to call to this little dog in a soft gentle voice and seemed to be getting nowhere. As this little dog began to move faster I also began to walk faster so that I would not lose sight of him in the dark shadowy night. I felt a sense of despair and fear. I could feel this little dogs panic. Every once in awhile a vehicle would come from out of nowhere and wiz quickly by. It was cold and the thickness of the winter air made it hard to breathe as I continued on. As I followed closely I noticed the little dog starting to run. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. Suddenly I couldn't see the little dog anymore and then my husband called to me from the opposite side of the roadway yelling that the little dog was on the other side of the highway. My husband pulled the vehicle around so that his headlights zoomed in on the dog once more. I crossed the highway and heard more vehicles passing by. I managed to get the little dog to back off the road some and then I felt like I had the advantage. I wanted foremost to keep him safe. As I approached him in the dimly lit ditch I could see that he was curling his lips up at me to defend himself with everything he had. His appearance was shabby and unkempt, as if he had been struggling down that highway for days. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. This poor little dog was so afraid and I could see when I came nearer to him that someone had abused him badly. He had an unusual makeshift collar around his neck that was digging into his flesh. There was fur missing all around it as if he had been fighting to free himself from a very bad situation. I could see blood stains around his face and nostrils as I bend over him. He continued to growl at me in a confrontational manor. He was not going to let anyone hurt him again! I tried to reach out to his mind with my heartfelt intentions. I softly spoke to him in a soothing tone "I'm not going to hurt you little guy, please let me help you" I said. This little dog was much too afraid to listen to my pleas. I was worried that my rescue attempt might end in tragedy if I didn’t act very soon! I tried to step closer and closer to the little shaking figure before me. But just as I stepped a little bit closer he would back away from me even farther. My husband tried to approach him from another angle and the little dog lunged at him with all teeth exposed. My husband retreated to our vehicle saying that he wasn't going to get bit. He told me that things looked to be impossible, but I refused to give up. We spent two hours trying to corner this little dog from crossing the highway again. My husband drove the car along the side of the road as I followed the little dog on foot. The dog would be off the highway and out of harms way for seconds and then he would come back up to the highway and try to cross again. I kept forcing him back off the highway by walking towards him in quick jerky steps. Whenever the little dog moved towards the highway, I would jump ahead of him and back him towards the ditch again. It was a vicious circle and as time passed and it got colder and harder to breathe the dense winter air. My husband tried to phone the Sheriff's department for help hoping that they would know of an animal control in the area that would come and assist us, but the Sheriff told my husband that the county had no animal control. This was very much of a letdown for both of us. Things out in the country were not the same as they were back home in Minnesota. Several cars would stop and pull off the highway to ask if we needed help, but when we told them that we were trying to rescue a little dog they would smile and be on their way. I, alone had to save knew that I had to save this little dog from being hit by a passing car. Yet the outlook wasn't so good! I was becoming tired and discouraged but had too much love in my heart to give up on the little dog. I finally managed to get the dog to back up far enough off the roadway so that I could sit in the snow in front of him. I had my husband bring me a leash from the back of our vehicle that we always kept there for emergency situations such as this one! You see my friends, this wasn't the first time I rescued a dog from off the roadways. This leash was one of a duo purpose. It had both the leash capability as it did a collar capacity in one! I hung the noose end of the leash out in front of this little dogs face and let it dangle there for a period of time. As I spoke softly to the little frightened dog, I slid my cold bottom across the snow embankment sideways, trying to get closer and closer to the little dog. His growl became a little less threatening as I pleaded with him again. "Please, little boy, let me help you" I said ever so gently. Then with a hope and a prayer, I made my final move! I trusted the noose end of the leash over the little dog’s neck and stood up with one quick movement to tighten it securely around his neck! “I had him at long last! I did it!!" As soon as I stood up and started to move forward the little dog followed as if he had given up. I was relieved to see that my husband had already opened up the back of our Van for me to get up inside to the much needed warmth. I took a chance and bent over the little dog and with one trembling arm I swept him off the dark roadway with one arm under his chest and one under his bottom for support. The little dog had surrendered to my kindness. Once inside the warm vehicle he buried his bloody head into my arm pit and rode this way all the way back to our country home with both of us trembling with a sense of released tension and I think partly from the chill of the night air as it left our bodies slowly. The days ahead were difficult and challenging. I had a lot of nursing and care to provide this little sick and abused dog. He was covered in dried blood and as I bathed him in warm water almost daily, I noticed scabs and deep cuts covering his entire body. The smell on this little dog was pungent and over-whelming. He had worms of every species known to man as well as Sarcotic mite mange and internal bleeding. I had to keep this little dog very, very quiet to let him heal over a very long period of time. But with love patience and total commitment, dedication and ultimate love, I managed to return this little dog to health and vigor. Eventually my little friend was neutered and his injuries were corrected through intense Veterinary care, time and energy. This little dog is a Beagle and we named him "SPORT!" He is just one of my many, many rescue dogs over the years. But SPORT most definitely taught me how to endure and to never give up hope. I love this little guy and we have decided to make him a permanent part of our big family. And at the present, he shares his country home with six Australian Shepherds of whom he has learned to be the world’s first "HERDING HOUND!" We love him with all of our hearts...................................................................................................................... Dr. Barbara Luskin Mon, 16 Feb 2009 06:05:44 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=159 Let's hear from the kids, sibs and parents themselves. [IMG]http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o148/jabez48/Dancingguycropbig.jpg[/IMG] Autism Hangout: Learning, sharing, thriving! Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:04:30 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=158 We've been asking the experts. What have you learned that you can pass along? [IMG]http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o148/jabez48/Dancingguycropbig.jpg[/IMG] Autism Hangout: Learning, sharing, thriving! Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:03:29 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=157 What's extraordinary about your child? Let's celebrate their uniqueness. [IMG]http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o148/jabez48/Dancingguycropbig.jpg[/IMG] Autism Hangout: Learning, sharing, thriving! Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:02:42 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=156 What's life without humor? Autism is no exception. [IMG]http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o148/jabez48/Dancingguycropbig.jpg[/IMG] Autism Hangout: Learning, sharing, thriving! Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:01:51 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=155 From learning your child's diagnosis to telling family. From hearing those first words to getting dressed and going to school (and beyond). Even dealing with school yard bullies. There's great courage in our children! Tell us about it. [IMG]http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o148/jabez48/Dancingguycropbig.jpg[/IMG] Autism Hangout: Learning, sharing, thriving! Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:01:07 CST cevans@autismhangout.com http://www.autismhangout.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=136 I saw a story in the paper about this website and wanted to tell you all a little about our son who is about to be four and has lived through enough tragedies in his short little life to last him a lifetime. SO, I wanted to share with you a little of what we have learned in what we would like to call "our journey through Hell" Our son Mason is about to be 4, he has Aspergers Syndrome /PDD (NOS). We have spent a year and a half figuring out what makes him tick and how to keep him safe. A little recap of our year includes, him driving and crashing the family van, flooding our home, multiple escapes, stitches, nose bleeds, and us moving to accomodate him, his safety concerns and our financial bottomline....oh yeah, he was also airlifted to childrens where he spent a week on the ventilator due to an overdose! He can pick any lock put on this earth, and bring sane people to tears...but we love him, wouldn't change him and we are no longer sane so the tears have stopped and we are seeing clearer and have learned a little about what works for him. If you are interested in any of this please let me know. Our family approach to life is that if you can't laugh at it, what good is it..and so that is what we do. Our son is very physical, freakishly strong, very technical and super smart about certain things. He can name every make of car on the road, but his ABC's are a challenge. He can disassemble flashlights, radios, but can not dress himself most days. We have to keep our eyeballs on him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...good thing he's super cute! We have learned that for him, he requires large muscle breaks every two hours. Wether it be, Wii boxing, gymnastics, 20 push-ups, or having him run around the house 10 times. Without these consistent physical breaks he seems to literally crawl out of his skin. We have found lots of coping mechanisms over the last year and a half that really work for him. He is not 100%, life is not smooth, but it is about the small victories, a trip to the mall without tantrum, wearing pants AND long sleeves, putting on socks for school and leaving them on for more than 2 minutes. Always revel in those victories, and when someone looks at you crosseyed in Target because your large son who is about to be 4 has a big orange nuk in his mouth, curse them forward and backward in your head and then simply state, "He has autism, would you stare if he was in a wheelchair?" Brooke Brooke Breuhl "been there, done that...survived!" Mon, 10 Nov 2008 09:57:58 CST