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Occupation: Psychotherapist

Gender: Male

Age: 54

Profile Info:
Visible to: Public
Created 8/5/2008
Last Visit 5/13/2013

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Fear of Success

Tuesday, May 07, 2013 @1:54:40 PM

I know in my heart my success has been blunted for sometime and Ironically, I suspect it coincides with my diagnosis and subsequent awareness of what it is like living with ASD.

What I am talking about is my mind blindness and poor theory of mind. I know I have often done something very dumb or shortsided that is NOT indicative of those wihtout ASD. When I do these poor judgement behaviors, people attribute my behaviors to lack of character and quickly seek to get me in trouble,

The frequency of this in my Psychotherapy practice is just about every month and it is not possible for me to get 3 months down without doing something major which my clients and co-workers are all over me for my poor judgement and boneheaded behaviors. My boss puts me on probations and does not understand how to attribute this to ASD. I disclosed to them long enough and as Psychologist they know better than anybody how to attribute my behaviors, It they do not understand how to interpret me, who can?????

My dilemna boils down to this; If I complete my lifelong quest and complete my liscensure, will i lose it as soon as I receive it, due to not knowing how to say the right thing or my typical misinterpretation by people who just don t know how to understand the behavior of an ASD individual?

The board of Psychologist won't take my side and say or excuse him, he does not know any better he is on the spectrum. I am stuck. I am a genie in a bottle. My powers are bottled up and can only come to life at the command of a person that know it's magic otherwise I am subject to being misused and relegated to a life unfulfilled.

As a young practitioner I learned that procrastination is a for of fear so my fear or success has me halfstepping for long and I guess I will need to talk to my very own therapist because I do not want to fail either.