It' s OK Dad...I have autism
Wednesday, September 02, 2009 @11:21:29 AM
The impact on parents when they discover that their only son has autism is devastating. The child is young at this point and anything is possible. They may talk, develop skills on time and treatments/therapies could allow them to be able to lead an independent life one day. Or not. Initial diagnosis is the beginning, it will take years to know how your son (or daughter) will progress. This is a rough period emotionally as parents look to the future and assume the worst. These are the things that others (with typical children) take for granted until they are taken away by this disease called autism.
I can only speak from a Dad's perspective as my son is non-verbal and will likely never speak. He doesn't behave like a child that will be 11 next month. He often is like a three-year-old, with innocence and no fear of the world, as he knows nothing of it. On the bright side, some of his development has gone beyond expectations as related to life skills for a non-verbal child. Everything from getting some food for himself, washing and drying his hands, getting dressed and lately using the toilet with no pull-ups. These are things that some may not see, or not until years later, so when I see them happening, I can see progress and success from where we were and where we still could be. He's not perfect at these things, but he's getting close.
Dad's do need to eventually let go of the expectations that are present when your son is born and you are at the hospital beaming with pride. Your son with autism will need to be compared only to himself and his abilities. This will be tremendously painful and continue to be so. But, we cannot dwell on the negative and feel sorry for ourselves and him forever, we need to do what we can with what God has given us. Dad's need to enjoy their sons for who they are, your child, and nothing more and get to know them. You may feel angry some days and think the classic "why me, why him" and other days you may feel content and be thankful for him "just being him". You will fall in love with this child regardless and become more protective than you knew you could be. It's a process of healing, growing and acceptance...then moving on.
I try to enjoy some activites with my son in typical ways, such as "wrestling around" as a typical boy might. He laughs and thinks that a bit of semi-rough play is fun. He does play with certain toys that are close to age appropriate, not always understanding them, but trying. I also have come to enjoy "behavior modeling" when he is in the mood for it. There are times when he follows my actions and directions and I feel like I am teaching him something that he can use. I now can see him as being a bit more independent and I have to take a step back and let him do it by himself, as I was so used to doing it for him. He still needs constant supervision, and that may never change, but he is progressing in life skills above and beyond what I thought 6 or 7 years ago.
I only expect my son to be himself now and though it takes awhile, I know him and accept him for just that.
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